Almost Fell in Love with Virginia

Today started off earlier then yesterday which is a good thing. There was a hiccup that prevented us from leaving until 10. Last night when we pulled into the hotel, we pulled into the right parking lot instead of the left. That does not seem like a problem until we realized that parking lot was not a pull through and we could not reverse the truck and the trailer. We wound up taking the car off the trailer and turning the truck around that way. So the next morning we start to put the car on the trailer again and the front end gets stuck and it CRACKS! It's not bad but it still hurt to watch. We will post a picture tomorrow.

As we drove through Virginia we thought is was beautiful, but it seemed like we were never going to get to the end. When you are driving from New Jersey to California driving through one state for most of the day is very frustrating and leads to cranky pantsness.On the upside Lenny was able to take a lot of pictures during my shift of driving, there were lots of cows, everywhere. We trooped through it and made our stay for the night in Knoxville, TN.

It has been an experience thus far. Although we aren't sight seeing it is a great experience none the less to make this drive as a family. We even got Sam to lay down on the floor of the cab for most of the drive instead of our laps. It's a new adventure for all of us. It's been great for us to be able to just drive and not have anything pressing on our mind and be able to laugh and enjoy each others company.

Every mile closer to California a little more excitement builds up and a little more stress falls away. We can't wait to start the new day! Of course we miss all of your faces like crazy but it is awesome knowing that so many of you want to read the blog and share in our journey.

On The Move!

We are on the road and following our dreams and it seems so surreal. Over the past week I would drive down Hooper and realize this is my last trip down here. I won't be stopping at that Dunkin Donuts anymore where the guy always has my coffee ready for me. There are so many emotions it's hard to pinpoint them all. Even packing up the house was surreal, you look at all these rooms and think "What could have we done differently to make this work?" I really don't think we could have done anything differently. It was a dream crusher. I think sometimes that from the moment we walked through the door the odds were against us.  The day after we moved in my Aunt Kathy lost her battle with cancer. A few months after that Lenny's younger cousin passed away suddenly. A month after that Lenny's job implemented a company freeze on all salary increases and did massive lay offs. Yes Lenny made it though multiple rounds of lay offs. Yes I was able to recover with a new job that I was extremely thankful for. With out that job I would not have learned some new and wonderful things not only about myself but about The Rathgebers as well. I know that this all seems like normal flow of life to have highs and lows. But during all this time and even to this very day Lenny and I were struggling with something deeply personal that we tried to keep mostly to ourselves. After our first Christmas in our new house we had decided to move on to the next step...kids.

I had thought really long and hard about even mentioning that part. By now a handful of people know. But it can still be very difficult to talk about. So we started trying to expand our family and month and month...nothing. Months turned into years and now here we are 3 years later and nothing. Yes we saw doctors and had procedures and testing done. The answers to all our questions were just more questions. We fall into that percentage of couples who have unexplained infertility. So lump in those big fat negative tests in with everything else and there were moments when the world seemed like it was ending. And I was always looking for those little miracles, especially when Vinnie passed away. I had never wanted that plus sign more then I did at that moment.

But it took all of those things to happen to push us to where we needed to be. So maybe the house wasn't a dream crusher after all but just a stepping stone to open our eyes and follow our hearts and dreams.

So here we are moving our life across the country and following our hearts. I just want to thank so many people for all their well wishes. We have been surprised and touched by this outpouring of luck and love that has been headed our way. Thank you all so much. It is really late now. I will follow up with another post tomorrow.

Thoughts about the past year.

Life is moving pretty fast now, it's starting to get to be that time to say our goodbyes and pack the truck for the journey ahead. It's bitter sweet knowing that we will be leaving soon. So many good times were made and good relationships that we've made over the years. Hopefully there will be many more good times and memories to make in the future.

Something that has been particularly difficult for me this past year was loosing Vinnie (Vincent Lombardo). I've lost people before in my life and that is something that never gets easier to deal with. There are only a few who really know how hard that was for me, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him or what he has given me in my life. There were a lot of crazy times in our lives. I feel like we lived enough for two lifetimes by the time we where in our early twenties. More recently I think you saw something in me that I failed to see in myself, during a time when that was exactly what I needed. You showed me that it was ok to do what made me happy regardless of what people may think of me. You made me strive to be the best that I could be not only for myself but for the people around me that cared. I can't put into words how thankful I am that you took time to help me work out some of my other problems when you had your own to worry about. I just wish I could have been there for you the way that you where for me.

Now that a year has passed by so fast, I want you to know that I will never forget you and what you did for me. I will spend each and everyday running towards the happiness that we deserve in our lives. I will continue to press forward and look for the success in life that we always knew we would have when we talked about life when we where younger. When the time comes that we find everything that we are looking for I know that I can look up and know that you are smiling down on us.

I love and miss you Vinnie...

Getting Ready 12/11/11

So December is here and the last blog was awhile ago but it seems like just yesterday that I posted it. Last weekend my best friend Sarah was married and we had so much fun. I know she was really stressed out that last couple of weeks. But in the end it all came out wonderful. She had me do a reading for the ceremony, which I had to try and keep my composure. I tend to be a emotional person, maybe I'm an empath, lol who knows. But my Maid of Honor speech was good and I held it together for that. I wish her so much happiness on her new chapter!

We've started packing and going through all our possessions to see what is coming with us into this new chapter and what isn't. Sometimes it's hard, even though it's only stuff. We've created our own little life together over the last 12 plus years and now we have to narrow it all down to fit in a 10 foot truck. So much has to go! I guess it's sort of like a detox of items.

Through out this whole process so far we have been each others support, staying positive even though the hardest part is yet to come. There are moments when we realize how close our move date is an we freak a little because there is still so much to do! We are still looking for a place. I think that is the hardest part so far. We live across the country from where we are moving so we cannot go see apartments to see if we like the neighborhoods. Lucky for us we have some friends and family that live out there to give us some advice.

We have been getting so much advice from everywhere. Most are excited and happy for us. Some show concern that we might fail. We've thought about that. We just want to be happy and have no regrets. We are going out there with a positive attitude and hope for the best. If we go out there and things don't work out, well at least we tried and that is not a failure. We would come back to New Jersey not with are tails tucked between our legs, but with our heads held high. We would be proud of the fact that we gave it our best. It will be how we feel in our hearts that will matter most and not the perception of this new adventure will be to others.

I think that's it for now. Lenny will be posting a new blog in a few days.

A lot of lasts

It's the end of October and we realize that as we participate in outings with friends and family, that some of them will be our last. And as the holidays approach there will be many more lasts.

Every year for the last 5 years we've gone to Eastmont Orchards in Colts Neck to go apple and pumpkin picking with our friends. It's funny to watch the evolution of life. 5 years ago we were couples and as we grew older we became married couples. Then married couples buying houses and more recently with children. We're all staking our claim at the American dream. This year was so much fun to watch all our friends with their kids exploring and discovering and making memories that as they get older will remember fondly. Bittersweet this year was. The hardest part is knowing next year they will gather and make more memories, without us. Sometimes there are moments when I can totally relate to the final scene in The Wizard of Oz. Who are we going to miss most? Who is going to be the hardest good-bye? The Spodeks? The Pignataros? I don't think there is an answer. They all have very special places in our hearts, they have all helped us grow and discover new things about life and ourselves.

Some have been friends for years too numerous to count, others recently. But it is not the time that makes one a friend but the experiences you share together. While sometimes you grow apart, that doesn't change the heart. Some know secrets that only they would understand. We share our joys and sorrow. Show support at times when we feel like we are falling and rejoice with them in times of triumph. How does one say good-bye to these friends and memories? With technology there are so many ways to stay in touch. But the thought of being thousands miles away does break ones heart just a little.

One of the lasts is the Zombie Walk in Asbury Park. We usually miss the walk but that's not the important part. The important part is hanging with friends in a place where we made so many memories when we were much younger. In our younger years this is a place that one would not dare go at night. But we did and we watch the sun come up over the sea on some nights. Most memories are happy but one twists a knife inside to speak of it. This is the place where one who was wise beyond his years. Everyone's friend, gave his coat to the needy. He made sure that a person would know their true value and to never settle. He lost his life here just being a boy and looking for adventure. Now his memory survives through his sisters, his mom and his family. They are all amazing and we are thankful everyday for all the support they have given to us in our new adventure and over the years. It's not hard to see why he spoke so highly of his love and admiration for them. We know that Michael is an ever constant presence in our life.

Wow! I feel like I'm writing a chapter in my life then writing a blog. I guess sometimes you can't stop the words from flowing. We'll I guess that it for October. There will be more to share as the year comes to end.

Our American Dream. The Story So Far

It all started when I was a twinkle in my father eye...
Just kidding I couldn't possibly go down that road. For the past 6 years I've been working in the trade show graphics industry. For a time things were going great. Colleen and I bought a house three years ago, because that's what you do right? You get married, you buy house, you have kids, happily ever after right? The portrait of the American dream. We bought in. It seemed like the right thing to do. Fast forward, and the economy took a dive and the housing market crashed. We worked hard to get where we are so naturally we wanted to fight to stay there. The problem is that while or income stays the same our bills keep going up. I haven't seen a raise in years, but the house is just becoming more expensive each year. Now I wouldn't mind the struggle if someone told me that in a year or two things would turn around and get a little easier. The reality is the value of the house dropped by nearly $50,000. So while everyone always says "paying rent is just losing money, a mortgage payment is saving your money as an investment" I know a bad investment when I see one and paying a large mortgage on a house that's worth $50,000 less then I'm paying is just a bad investment. It's no ones fault,  know one could have predicted what would happen, but we are faced with a choice. Keep spending every penny we have and living to work, or try and get out and make a change. Well to be honest, we're just tired of being broke. We figure that were young enough and we don't yet have kids so if were going to make a big change now would be the time to do it. So that's what were doing. There is a number of circumstances that would make us think otherwise, but we are not happy where we are and that's the bottom line. So despite popular opinion we're going to temporarily put the american dream on hold. We have always said that if you don't like something in your life then change it. Well it's time for us to practice what we preach. We've been looking for a while, and we're ready for a fresh start. Our sites are set on completely turning our lives upside down, and moving to the west coast. We have a long road ahead of us, and anything could happen, but as of right now we have nothing to lose. We'll have to take this journey one day at a time and see what happens.
-Lenny

New YouTube Video

I figured for my first blog post I would post one of my videos. Something I like to do is make videos. I hope you enjoy.

-Lenny